I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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