TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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