Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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