i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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