Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Never underestimate the power of titties
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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