Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
