I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
