So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
