I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
