One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
