Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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