i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
