this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
