i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
