she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
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