I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
