If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
