i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
