I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
