Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
