She said her name was "party"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im holly from the hills drunk
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Randomize
