Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
