I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
