Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
