uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
