I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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