I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
