i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
