well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
