You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
