why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My cat gives me a boner
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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