I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
