So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
