You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
