He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
