Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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