think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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