You can't special order awesome
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
