I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Nobody cheats on THIS.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
