Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's blow job season.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
