I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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