so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
