this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
