"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
