You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
