How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I love you. Go after that dick
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