omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I want a musical about memes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
