I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
