and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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