The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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